This morning is 2 weeks after I should have started. Oh well. Random mouse clicks lead me to the protein content of fish sticks. I love fish sticks. Thats saying a lot for someone who cannot keep seafood down. So there's this grossly simplified daily protein intake calculator that takes height and sex as inputs. It turns out I am 60 lb. overweight. That's a little person. Thats one checked-in bag packed to capacity, plus a backpack. It really hurts to realize you are lugging it around all bloody day. I must decide on a number. 160 is a number. 50 lb in one year. not entirely unreasonable. A pound a week.
Im gonna try one of these infomercial programs. Don't worry. I didn't fall prey to their constant droning on late night TV and call a 1-800 number to order. I just didn't need the supplement+ online support group + MLM rip-off migraine, so I ordered the disks online. Now they have a catchy name with the number days in the product name, but my first go around quickly dispelled that nonsense. Its gonna take a slower more patient approach to this. Or maybe a third of the way down it will get miraculously easy and self-fulfilling, but all that is speculation. They have a decent meal plan, but who has time + money to follow it to the letter. So as I start this Im gonna pick something and stick to it for a month and change when Im bored. Again, the attitude towards food must change and I hope it comes with the drive to pump.
A recent brainstorm with a good friend boiled up some good-sounding ideas. "You've gotta get angry" was the instruction. Now a lot of us might not be in that place. Its been a particularly crappy 2009 and I mean on the level of a colossal cluster-fuck that the Coen brothers would find compelling to commit to celluloid. So bad that the anger decays too fast and you are hit by a crushing emotional landslide into complete inaction. It poisons everything : creativity, productivity, and even libido. This might mean different things to different people. For me, it meant the reality that I don't take rejection well, have attention issues, and cabin fever. But isolation has had its benefits, in that it silences a lot of voices that might have been clawing at you all this time. A few `moments of clarity' have put some demons to rest. A full year is a wide berth. I resolve not to try and change things overnight, put to paper things that come up in the course to catalog objectively and persevere.
The tools are assembled, more or less. Hello, Square One.
Start : 225 lb
